Royal Thunder-"S/T"

If you are like me, you are snowed in, and listening to lots of gloomy, dark, heavy, loud music to pass the time. May I humbly recommend you the newest edition to the W&M Loud Rock shelves, Royal Thunder's premier "Royal Thunder." Take one look at that album cover and you know you've found the soundtrack of the winter. Check out the dope song titles: "Sleeping Witch" "Grave Dance" "Mouth of Fire" are all apt descriptions for the sound presented by this up and coming band. Sharing the stage with acts ranging from the Woven Bones to Black Tusks, and fronted by female vocalist Miny Parsonz, who also plays bass, Royal Thunder sounds like if Siouxie Sioux took vocal duties for Mastodon and decided to make all the songs about Edgar Allan Poe short stories. Yeah, that awesome. When I saw them during CMJ, I didn't remember their name (a 12 pack of PBR and 2 rum and cokes will do that to you) but I certainly remember their sound. Miny's vocals are the beauty of my worst nightmares, their guitarist bares an eerie resemblance to my friend Bobby and can produce majestical down-toned gloom, and their drummer isn't afraid to use a gong, a trait I'd like to see in more drummers. The release is not very long, so listen to all of it, and check this band out live, they were the first opener in a long while that really impressed me.

My Journey To CMJ: Cough

"What the hell?" I thought to myself as I looked around the overpass in God-knows-where-the-fuck Brooklyn. No groups of people moving to any particular place, a few small and ordinary looking bars, no signs for CMJ, no people with CMJ passes in sight. Seriously? The CMJ website said the place was called Pianos. There was NO place on the street, Union Ave., that was called Pianos. I must admit I was getting a little bit frustrated. I decided to stop in a bar, to ask directions of course. I was surprised to see a man with nearly floor length blond dreads casually sipping on a beer in the middle of this normal looking bar filled with normal looking people. "One of these things is not like the other," I started humming to myself as I followed him to the back of the bar. I am shocked to see that he goes out the backdoor to an outdoor area, complete with grass and all those other green things you sometimes forget exist in Brooklyn. To my left was a trailer decked out in Christmas lights with a small sign that read "Taco Hut" (it served awesome vegan burritos for 3 bucks, highly recommend it if you ever see a show there). To my right was a small shack where I finally see a CMJ sign and people taking money. "This, this is where the show is?" I thought to myself. This was a psychedelic metal show, how could they possibly fit all the unnecessary percussive instruments, pedals, and synthesizers (the most ridiculous instrument of the night was a gong used by the opening band). I walk up to the shack and see that CMJ had screwed up the lineup completely. Rather than Cough playing at 8, they were playing at 10:30 after three other bands, Royal Thunder (hipster metal band), Battilus (weird synthesizer crust), and Inter Arma (sludge metal thrashers from Richmond). Unfortunately for the always spectacular and darkness-inducing Cough, Inter Arma stole this show. Their drummer was one of the technical highlights of the night, taking the freedom given to him by the genre of slow-paced stoner music and exploring just how much he could either cram in conversely or leave out, a contrasting range of minimalist to Max Roach-esque cacophony. Having spent the day walking around New York by myself, it was nice to hear someone say "We're from Richmond, Virginia" and to headbang with a bunch of drunk metalheads to some of the finest music altered-states of consciousness have ever produced. Be sure to check out Cough's new album "Ritual Abuse."

"Rohnert Park"-Ceremony

Okay if you don't like this album fuck you. There's a kid on a fucking skateboard in front of a dumpy little surburban home with an American flag and he's got on what is quite possibly a Minor Threat hoodie. In all seriousness, this time around Ceremony is serious business. They've upgraded from "surprisingly good opener" to "surprisingly creative and original hardcore." It is at the same time a vehicle for 80's DC nostalgia and an interesting take on the sound of modern hardcore bands like Trash Talk. From the opener "Into the Wayside Pt. 1/Sick" Ceremony makes two things clear: they will push the boundaries of hardcore music, and lyrically they will hate on everything. Tying the album together nicely is the conceptual "Into the Wayside" songs, pt. 1 and 3 bookending the album with pt. 2 adding some variance to the middle of the album. But it isn't really necessary; just take a look at the bluesy Boston-esque hardcore of the preceding song "Open Head" which has lyrics I would compare more to Richard Hell than to Ian Mackaye. This album made me super happy in that it was such an unhappy and angry album. Saucy's picks: Listen to the album straight through, and see what tracks appeal to you most. Trust me if you like hardcore you'll find something.

"I Was Trying To Describe You To Someone" and then my band split up

"Oh boy" says the casual reader of the WCWM Loud Rock blog, "He is reviewing one of Alternative Press's most anticipated albums of the year. This ain't metal." Well first off ain't ain't a word. Secondly it isn't metal, and yeah this is the music made by grown up scene kids and mall emos. That being said, it is actually really good, probably due in large part to producer Mike Sapone who has a knack for taking the immature angst of bands like Brand New and Taking Back Sunday and making something musically credible with it. The subjects and lyrics are also darker and more mature, and the highlights of the album are when this is embraced, such as the song "Drugwolf" rather than ballad-esque emoetry (emo+poetry, patent pending) of songs like "Young." Basically what I'm trying to say is the band does best when they realize they're more mature versions of Thrice than when they think they're Bright Eyes. Saucy's Picks: interesting intro with "Queue Moderns", "Drugwolf", and riff-tastic work on "Odalisque." P.S. Crime in Stereo has broken up, so you'll probably never get to hear this album live. Boosh.

"Capitalism Is Cannabalism"-Vex

Political Filipino grindcore. That's right kiddos, and it comes with a heavy dosage of the kickass. Vex makes up for their lack of a good studio, good instruments, and good intentions with a brutal spine-snapping grind that will split your ears and make you play the 24 minute album over and over. Like a lot of grindcore albums, a significant portion of that 24 minutes is devoted to random sound bytes (mostly in Tagalog but there's one clip of some government official speaking in English about the benefits of a partnership between government and free-enterprise). Also the last 7 seven songs are all different versions of the same song, "Cum and Taste Our Revenge," but this proves to be very entertaining rather than redundant. There's even a cover of a Standfast (infamous Swedish punk duo) song, "Self-Righteous Bastard", and a jab at fellow grindcore band Agoraphobic Nosebleed "Agorephobic Saliva Spitting Basstard." Vex is what grindcore is all about, which is having fun, mocking authority, and being incredibly abrasive. Saucy's picks: "Ultra Poverty=Ultra Tragedy", "Capitalism Is Cannabalism", "Basura", "You're So Cool", and of course "Cum and Taste Our Revenge."

"Triumvirate"-Black Anvil

I'm really not sure what to write for this. I personally can't get bored of metal; if I have heavy riffs, heavy vocals, heavy beats, it lifts my heavy heart. And Black Anvil has something a lot of metal bands don't: decent vocals. But besides that they sound like most other modern metal bands, which isn't bad, just not particularly interesting. If you like stoner metal, blackened crust, or early black metal (in the vein of Venom and such)then you'll probably be pleased. The first track, "What Is Life If Life Not Now!" is the best track of the album, which unfortunately makes the rest of the album sound kind of mediocre. Maybe I shouldn't be sober when listening to this.

Cryonic-"Kings of Avalon"

Hair metal is the greatest genre of music ever created. Forever being a haven to the trashiest people to arise from a lack of good public education, hair metal defies the norm by being so misogynistic while at the same time trying to look like women (often times failing utterly). Cryonic is a great example of one of these groups that is so serious in its delivery that its hard to take seriously, thus making it a whole hell of fun. "Avalon," the first track, has the whining of a teenage rebel in the guise of obsession with Arthurian mythology. "Kings Of The Hill" is a party boy anthem, and "No More" is the ballad needed on every album. "Free Like An Eagle" is the only song silly enough to round up this album. 10/10, buy 20 copies to distribute at an orphanage, and listen to it when you sleep (pregnant women should probably have it on a walkman with the headphones on their womb. Yes a walkman because its retro and cool and not for nerds).

"The Invisible Mountain"-Horseback

"The Invisible Mountain" by Horseback is terrifying in a way that only doom metal can be. The vocals sound like a crack addict from hell's morning after sweet nothings, the guitars move back and forth from ambient clean sweetness to fuzzy distorted hellishness. The bass is low and gutteral and the percussion is raspy and dissonant. If you're looking to listen to something dark when you're stoned or even when you're just feeling a little out of this world, check out this album. It's a phantom world of darkness as evil as it is mysterious. Saucy's Picks: the first two tracks of the four track album are a little hard to listen to in a sober state, but the final two, "The Invisible Mountain" and "Hatecloud Dissolving Into Nothing" despite their length, are epic and well-crafted.

"XDao"-XDao

The term indie rock fills my body with hatred and disgust. If I have to hear one more 60's pop revival band I will hunt down Kevin Barnes and take out all my anger on him. Or maybe kill the members of Dr. Dog. But once upon a time indie rock wasn't so bland and boring and XDao remembers that time. I was wary upon reading the album review on the back of the CD case: "Great indie rock hooks!"-Radio & Retail. XDao is like a darker cousin of the Kooks, but it works. This music is tall, dark, and handsome, and is going to buy you a drink and you'll probably go back to his place and he'll be gone before you wake up the next morning. If this is not what you want, don't worry, there's plenty of "great indie rock hooks" to keep a more serious listener interested. XDao is not anything special, but is certainly refreshing in an indie rock scene that recently has seemed scared of being scary. Saucy's Picks: "Grace Period Over" is a good opener, "Birthday Lost" is a little too emo for me, but "Silenced by Rhyme" is catchy as hell.

"Turning Lead into Gold with the High Confessions"-The High Confessions

Remember when the Stooges decided to play metal? Neither do I but apparently happened and it's called High Confessions and it rules. From the opening track with the humorous title and lyrics "Mistaken for Cops", lead singer Chris Connelly evokes Iggy in a way that's complimentary but not mimicry. Name sound familiar? It's the same Chris Connelly from Ministry. Ever heard of Steve Shelley? As in Sonic Youth Steve Shelley? That explains the post-rock experimentation. Sanford Parker from Minsk and Jeremy Lemos from White/Light round up the band to bring out a solid and unique sound. Not for the faint of heart, most of the tracks off this album are well over 10 minutes long and often feature, and in the example of "Along Came the Dogs" feature long periods of drone and weird vocals. The sound of proto-punk has been brought into the 21st century, and I'm excited. This album is not afraid to be weird, not afraid to rock, and not afraid of being controversial, (of course with Chris Connelly all the lyrics are about sex, drugs, violence, more sex, beat poetry, sex again, drugs again, etc.). This is the album I would put on on a late night drive by myself down a one lane country road that never ends. Saucy's Picks: "Mistaken for Cops" stops the album from being too experimental, "Along Came the Dogs" is the weirdest and perhaps for that reason the best track on the album, "The Listener" has a lot of interesting percussion which is not as well represented in the other tracks, and "Chlorine and Crystal" ends the album by dragging you into a black abyss of nothingness. Ennui.

"Gift Horse"-Mose Giganticus

Wow this is weird. So remember how Melvins and Isis went on tour? Remember the travesty of the Melvins opening for Isis (I don't care that it was their last tour the Melvins should never open for anyone)? Mose Giganticus would agree with me, but would've gone to the show and loved every minute of it. This band is seriously what happens when the Melvins fuck Isis and the baby is ripped from the womb. It is really great, and although you could make the outright claim that they're basically a Melvins cover band, that's not the worst thing in the world to be. The band knows exactly what they're doing, all obviously well-trained and passionate about the music they're making. Matt Garfield is a great songwriter, and his lyrics are the opposite of stuff like Kingdom of Sorrow that makes you think metalheads are all brain dead from doing too much meth. "Gift Horse" has one problem in my mind which is it is too short, and I think the world would benefit from a little more material. Not to say that "The Seventh Seal" isn't a solid closer, I just wish there was more in between that and the awesome opening track "Last Resort" which reminds of "The Bit" by the Melvins. Get this album. Saucy's Picks: I'm serious listen to every song. Every single one.

"Behind the Blackest Tear"-Kingdom of Sorrow

Despite the incredibly emo title of this album, (as well as the name of the band), "Behind the Blackest Tear" is a solid metal album. The band classifies itself as sludge metal, but putting fuzz and tuning down your guitar does not make you sludge. The band is more along the lines of early Metallica or Pantera, not so much my cup of tea but I've never been a big fan of the other bands these guys were in, Crowbar, Down, and Hatebreed. It is well-written and features good production, but the lyrics are the epitome of metal stereotypes. I would like to evoke a term invented by a good friend of mine, VAG (Virginia Gentleman), and say this album is the "blurst" or basically a guilty pleasure. Saucy's Picks: "Enlightened to Extinction" is fun, the title track "Behind the Blackest Tear" features some cool, if borderline silly, riffs, and "From Heroes to Dust" invokes a sort of "Enter Sandman" mentality.

"The Five Ghosts"-Stars

It's been awhile kidos but I'm back and for once it's not metal/punk/grind/music that makes your ears bleed. Canadian veterans Stars have come out with a new album "The Five Ghosts" and it is well worth a listen. Stars decided to go with what they're good at, epic and beautifully melodic well-written tunes that would work as well on the dance floor as they would coming through your head-phones. The haunting dual vocals, especially the voice of Amy Milan. This album belongs to Amy: her voice is beautiful but has a confidence to it that is both sexy and terrifying, a girl you don't want to fall in love with cause she's too much for you but that's the exact reason you're falling for her. And without further swooning, Saucy's picks: "Dead Hearts" is a great opener, "Fixed" is my favorite track of the album and is probably the reason for my quasi-romantic love of Amy's voice, "He Dreams He's Awake" should be in the closing credits of an awesome movie, and "Winter Bones" is a solid finish for a solid album.

June in review

It was a great month for metal. June 2010 saw the release of the new Black Tusk album, "Taste the Sin," 1349's "Demonoir," "Of Death and Ritual" by Culted, "Napalm" by Rotten Sound, the new Misery Index album "Heirs to Thievery", and HowL's "Full of Hell." "Taste the Sin" was the gem of the month, playing the Savannah metal song in a way that groups them with groups like Kylesa and Baroness but doesn't make them sound like cheap rip-offs. Saucy's Second Chance: "Heirs to Thievery" can seem like musical masturbation for grindcore kids on a casual listen but upon retrospection it can be seen that its an awesome album with sick riffs and consistent songwriting.

"Taste the Sin"-Black Tusk

Southern metal has yet another gem. Black Tusk, sounding the best combination of sludge, crust, and good ol' metal, are another Savannah band that is gaining lots of ground in the metal scene. They're more straight forward and consistent than a lot of their contemporaries who may travel to outerspace or Valhalla when they get a little too stoned. Black Tusk is down to earth and in your face, pissed off and not trying to sound pretty in any way. Saucy's Picks: "Embrace the Madness", "Red Eyes, Black Skies", "Unleash the Wrath", "Twist the Knife", and "The Crash". For fans of Kylesa, Eyehategod, Baroness, and High on Fire. See Black Tusk play with Eyehategod June 9th at Alley Katz in Richmond.

1349-"Demonoir"

1349 is Norweigan black metal at its best. You can hear the dark woods and wolves and ridiculously large swords in their music, which is black metal honed to deadly perfection. The drums are probably the most impressive part of this band, I'm pretty sure the drummer is a cyborg with robotic wrists. Or at least is going to have real bad arthritis later on in his life. Saucy's picks: "Atomic Chapel" (and not just for the real cool name and Gregorian choir epic finish), "Pandemonium War Bells", and "The Devil of the Desert" which occasionally crosses over into a sort of blackened crust song. This album is for black metal bands, plain and simple.

"Of Death and Ritual"-Culted

Had never heard of these guys but glad Relapse sent'em my way. They're like a bottomless pit of despair, like drowning in a tar pit, and really good music (I'm guessing, I gotta pass a drug test so I can't check) to get stoned to. This music is evil as shit, the vocals sound like Satan's bedroom dirty talk and the guitarist sounds like he's trying to play metal but he can only play at 60 bpm because his arms are weighed down by snakes and flesh-eating scarabs. It is oddly sexy, but maybe that's just my unfulfilled wish to fuck someone while doom metal is playing in the background. Well I could expound upon my sexual fantasies or I could give you Saucy's picks: all the songs are good but immediately listen to the epic masterpiece "Black Cough. Black Coffin," I really hope they got this title track from the pun made by Alkaline Trio in the song "Blue in the Face" (about as likely as Appalachian Terror Unit doing a Skrewdriver cover). For fans of: Sleep.

"Napalm"-Rotten Sound

Rotten Sound are veterans of the grindcore scene, starting their epic battle against all that is conventionally music in 1993, but they recognize that even they have their roots in this new EP, which not only features new tracks from them but covers of the Napalm Death classics "Mindkill" and "Missing Link." Basically I think they went into it thinking "How can we do covers of Napalm Death? Well will make the vocals less muddy so it sounds like us and then to pay tribute to our favorite band...we'll make it louder." Also they're Finnish, which makes me wonder what shows in their hometown are like (are there hxc douche bags who throw judo kicks in parkas?). Saucy's Picks: "Mindkill", "Dead Remains", "Missing Link", and "Suffer the Children." For fans of: Napalm Death (suprised?!?!), Magrudergrind, and Agorapocalypse-era Agoraphobic Nosebleed.

"Heirs to Thievery"-Misery Index

If you're not familiar with Misery Index, this album is a perfect way to get introduced. First impressions are everything they say, and if this is your first impression of Misery Index, it is someone showing up to your party, punching you in the face, drinking all your beer, stealing your boy/girlfriend, and shaving "GRIND-FUCKING-CORE" into the right side of your dog. The band keeps it interesting, basically apply the concept of what Converge is doing to hardcore to grindcore. As in the guitarist decided power chords were not enough anymore. This is more succesful than I would think it to be and does not take away from the "grind-iness?". Something I found odd was that just listening straight though it sounds like a stereotypical grindcore album with 10 bajillion (give or take) minute long cluster fucks and then when I looked at the tracks I realized what I thought was 3 songs was just one. Anywho Saucy's picks: "The Carrion Call", "Heirs to Thievery", "The Iluminaught", "The Seventh Cavalry", the epicly starting "You Lose", and the fuck-you-in-the-ass-with-a-baseball-bat-sideways "Day of the Dead." For fans of Pig Destroyer, Soilent Green, and Infanticide. Warning: if you have never listened to grindcore, not a good album to start with.

"Full of Hell"-HowL

First time I've ever listened to this band, but I like what I'm hearing. Mean but clean hardcore, a band that knows what it wants to do and that is sound evil as shit. Either that or Relapse Records decided they needed their own Trash Talk, which is fine by me because we could use more Trash Talks in the world. Another great part about this promo is it is clean, so blast this shit at 10 AM and make those seniors cringe. Saucy's picks: "Horns of Steel", "You Jackals Beware", the short and sweet "Asherah", "Heavenless", and the epic but deceivingly named "Day of Rest." For fans of Trash Talk and pre-metal Converge.